As you know with a past post Kayliegh is no stranger to using foul language. But right before Easter she slipped up again this time using a different word besides her usual damn; in which she tries to cover up by explaining she is talking about beaver dams. A sly and witty child she is sometimes.
Let me set the mood here of the evening this occurred:
So it's right before Easter (I believe it was Friday or Saturday) and I decided I would treat Kayliegh with a fun activity. Usually when we do fun activities it usually ends with her complaining and whining about something and being sent to time-out or grounded. But this day was much different then the usual. On this day we made it through cupcake making with little or no whining and complaining. But since she ate sooo much icing and cake batter she was off the wall crazy person hyper. Which was totally my fault for letting her indulge in the deliciousness of it all. Because I too love eating cake batter. I often try to eat most of it first so that she can't. Yes, I take the fun away sometimes but it's too good to pass up.
So picture her running around the house like a wacko on crack. I tell her to sit down in the chair and chill out. The child cannot sit still for the life of her like a crackhead needs his crack... shaking and convulsing for more... okay she wasn't doing that but she might as well been. It's past her usual bed time at this point too which is making matters worse. I instruct her to go get some pj's, go pee, and get in the bath tub (which I filled up during her maniac sugar high of convulsing on the chair). Instead of doing so she begins hauling ass up and down the hallway. If you could really bounce of walls this is what she would be doing. I grabbed her by the arm and tell her to calm down and drag her hyper ass into the bathroom. I tell her to take off her pants and go pee and get in the bath again. This time she starts pulling down her pants to go to the bathroom and doing as I instruct then things take a sudden turn...
She looks at me while pulling her pants around her ankles gives me this straight faced devil eyed stare and the following word falls from her mouth...
"ASSSSSSHOOOOLE!"
Not just Asshole but she made sure to stretch the entire word out and use it with such viciousness and conviction without fear of what may happen to her. I of course pop her for using the word and yell at her telling her its a bad word and never to say it again. I tell her to get on the potty then in the bath...this time she does what is told without hesitation.
While she's in the bath I proceed to call Win and tell him what just happened. Knowing him and knowing he will get a kick out of it. Because Win thinks it's hilarious when children say bad words. After telling Win and hearing him laugh about it I go and talk to Kayliegh while she was in the bath and she told me the kid's say it at school.
Well a few days later when we drop off Kayliegh for school I hear a kid saying "Asshole" and getting in trouble for it. Then another little boy says it... it's like a vicious little circle of the word Asshole being thrown around. I soon leave (earlier on I had talked to her school about Kayliegh calling me it). Me and Win get in the car after dropping her off in the "Asshole" filled classroom. He proceeds to laugh about it and starts talking about boys dressed up in girls clothes...which I didn't even notice.
The next day or so I go to drop Kay off at school again and to my surprise I see all the little boys dressed up in woman's clothing frolicking around the classroom in little old lady hats, dresses, and heels (thier fathers would be proud- Win insists they must have been feed soy products). Not only are they dressed up like this they are shouting and chanting the following words "Asshole Bitch" over and over like a little old lady cult. At that point I could only shake my head at the teacher and wish her luck with her day and threatening Kayliegh what would happen if she dare repeat those words.
Friday, May 8, 2009
Win's Unplanned Exercise
We watched Marley and Me the other night, the movie with Jennifer Anniston and Owen Wilson. Without a doubt a very adorable and heart wrenching in all the right spots type of move. It had the perfect dose of comedy in it about their dog named Marley. If you haven't seen it...rent it and watch it! It doesn't matter if your male or female watch it.
On Tuesday of this week Kayliegh's fish, god rest it's little soul, passed away. I talk to Win and told him I want to go out this upcoming weekend and find her a new little pet to fill in for Jack the fish. Not wanting another fish instead maybe a turtle or frog or something more interesting and unique. He agrees and we have it in our heads that we will go out looking for something this weekend.
I go and pick up Kayliegh after she gets out of school. I tell her I'm going to take her to the library since it's raining outside and she's grounded from watching tv (since she refuses to listen and is stubborn... no idea who she gets this from haha). She's excited as we drive to the library but for some reason I get off track and want to find the Animal Shelter instead. She tells me I'm driving the wrong way. I then tell her about her friend Jack. She is a little saddened but I tell her we will find her a new pet friend. I then get directions to the Animal Shelter...figuring it's something fun and interesting to do.
Needless to say I am no longer allowed to go into the Animal Shelter and have been banned from it by Win because I walked out with a puppy (he's lucky I didn't get the kitten). I give her the name Marley since I just watched the movie and found the name so adorable and cool. But let me tell you something the name definitely fits her.
In the movie the dog gives Owen Wilson quite the chase sometimes when he gets loose. As soon as I get home I get this brilliant thought that the puppy will just stay in the yard and hardly move since it will be too scared and want to smell the grass. No this is not what happens at all instead she takes off running hauling ass as I chase her she runs even faster (she must be thinking oh what a fun game). After a few laps around the yard and my Jeep she comes to a distraction...Chaz's bone which is the size of her is laying in the yard. She starts licking it and looks as if she's going to take off again I start tip toeing to her telling her good girl get the bone... trying to persuade her to stay still. She's about to run just as I pounce on her and catch her. I bring her in the house.
When Win gets home the next day he too falls in love with this little puppy...who can't? But every time we open the front door she tries to run for her life. So we try to be really cautious about it. Until yesterday evening we have been able to keep her from running off. I got her a collar that now her leash will attach to so we don't have to make a slip knot on the leash and hope it snags in time.
I'm in the computer room and decide to go out and smoke a cigarette and see what Win and the dogs are up to outside. As I approach the door I see Win dart by in his bright ass green shirt and think what the hell is going on. I see Marley hauling as to the door I'm about to open and notice she is unleashed. I open the door and she hauls ass inside. Win gets up to the patio right behind her out of breath and hunched over. I ask him what happened and he says she got off her leash when her and Chaz were playing in the yard. I noticed her collar is on her so I said why didn't you attach her leash to her collar... this made him feel a little stupid I think haha. But then he goes into explanation of what happened.
Evidently the dogs were rough housing as they always do (she is quite feisty and can take our 85lb dog down by jumping on his back and biting his ankles) and her leash slipped off her neck. She took off running and Win along with Chaz chased her for many of laps around the yard and car (I did not tell him before that she did it to me the first day...I told him she tries to run so be careful). Win wasn't the one who caught her Chaz is the one who took her down by grabbing a hold of her ass. I know he got her by her ass because her hair was sticking up on her there.
Of course mental pictures keeping surfacing of Win, a grown man, chasing a little bitty puppy around in the yard with his bright green shirt on. I can't help but laughing. He's hunched over but is smirking about the whole ordeal. I then tell him it's okay because she did it to me the first day and told him my story about the bone.
So if she ever gets loose again I know now to send Chaz after her. But I told Win at least he got some exercise out of it and he then told me "your" dog. Which like in the first story we call it "your" dog when the dog does something wrong. So by just saying that I knew he was not happy with his unplanned exercise... but in my eyes it was not Marley's fault it was Win's for not using what a collar is designed for. HAHA. "OUR" dog!
On Tuesday of this week Kayliegh's fish, god rest it's little soul, passed away. I talk to Win and told him I want to go out this upcoming weekend and find her a new little pet to fill in for Jack the fish. Not wanting another fish instead maybe a turtle or frog or something more interesting and unique. He agrees and we have it in our heads that we will go out looking for something this weekend.
I go and pick up Kayliegh after she gets out of school. I tell her I'm going to take her to the library since it's raining outside and she's grounded from watching tv (since she refuses to listen and is stubborn... no idea who she gets this from haha). She's excited as we drive to the library but for some reason I get off track and want to find the Animal Shelter instead. She tells me I'm driving the wrong way. I then tell her about her friend Jack. She is a little saddened but I tell her we will find her a new pet friend. I then get directions to the Animal Shelter...figuring it's something fun and interesting to do.
Needless to say I am no longer allowed to go into the Animal Shelter and have been banned from it by Win because I walked out with a puppy (he's lucky I didn't get the kitten). I give her the name Marley since I just watched the movie and found the name so adorable and cool. But let me tell you something the name definitely fits her.
In the movie the dog gives Owen Wilson quite the chase sometimes when he gets loose. As soon as I get home I get this brilliant thought that the puppy will just stay in the yard and hardly move since it will be too scared and want to smell the grass. No this is not what happens at all instead she takes off running hauling ass as I chase her she runs even faster (she must be thinking oh what a fun game). After a few laps around the yard and my Jeep she comes to a distraction...Chaz's bone which is the size of her is laying in the yard. She starts licking it and looks as if she's going to take off again I start tip toeing to her telling her good girl get the bone... trying to persuade her to stay still. She's about to run just as I pounce on her and catch her. I bring her in the house.
When Win gets home the next day he too falls in love with this little puppy...who can't? But every time we open the front door she tries to run for her life. So we try to be really cautious about it. Until yesterday evening we have been able to keep her from running off. I got her a collar that now her leash will attach to so we don't have to make a slip knot on the leash and hope it snags in time.
I'm in the computer room and decide to go out and smoke a cigarette and see what Win and the dogs are up to outside. As I approach the door I see Win dart by in his bright ass green shirt and think what the hell is going on. I see Marley hauling as to the door I'm about to open and notice she is unleashed. I open the door and she hauls ass inside. Win gets up to the patio right behind her out of breath and hunched over. I ask him what happened and he says she got off her leash when her and Chaz were playing in the yard. I noticed her collar is on her so I said why didn't you attach her leash to her collar... this made him feel a little stupid I think haha. But then he goes into explanation of what happened.
Evidently the dogs were rough housing as they always do (she is quite feisty and can take our 85lb dog down by jumping on his back and biting his ankles) and her leash slipped off her neck. She took off running and Win along with Chaz chased her for many of laps around the yard and car (I did not tell him before that she did it to me the first day...I told him she tries to run so be careful). Win wasn't the one who caught her Chaz is the one who took her down by grabbing a hold of her ass. I know he got her by her ass because her hair was sticking up on her there.
Of course mental pictures keeping surfacing of Win, a grown man, chasing a little bitty puppy around in the yard with his bright green shirt on. I can't help but laughing. He's hunched over but is smirking about the whole ordeal. I then tell him it's okay because she did it to me the first day and told him my story about the bone.
So if she ever gets loose again I know now to send Chaz after her. But I told Win at least he got some exercise out of it and he then told me "your" dog. Which like in the first story we call it "your" dog when the dog does something wrong. So by just saying that I knew he was not happy with his unplanned exercise... but in my eyes it was not Marley's fault it was Win's for not using what a collar is designed for. HAHA. "OUR" dog!
The many adventures of Chaz
So I'm almost certain I could probably write quite an entertaining book about my life. Especially the adventures and surprises brought on by a 5 year little girl, a gentle giant German Shepherd named Chaz, and our newest addition a little mut puppy named Marley.
Chaz is one of most goofiest dogs I have been around. He is frumpy, not graceful because of his size, and has the biggest heart for a dog that I have seen. He is quite the comedian and a jerk sometimes. But the absolute best dog I have ever had. He loves the water and going to the lake but I swear he has the worst case of ADD.
When we take him to the lake he frolics around in the water and fetches sticks. We would of never taken him to be a swimmer at all. Considering last season he wouldn't swim in the water really. But now he is all about it. But ADD does kick in when he's swimming in the lake. As soon as a boat passes by he stops everything he does and waits impatiently for the waves from the boat going by to come to shore. He chases and tries to eat the waves hitting the shore. Hauling ass up and down the lake. If there is even the smallest chance of a wave you bet your ass Chaz is looking for it.
So Chaz loves the water that what bring me to this story...
We have a wireless fence system for Chaz... meaning a shock collar... if he goes out if his boundaries he will know. But needless to say on nice days I leave him outside so he can run and get his exercise since he's a large dog and needs it. Two days ago it was a nice morning so I left Chaz outside as I took Kayliegh to school... not a unusual thing to do with him in the least. Although he would much rather go on a car ride. He loves car rides as much as the water... if anyone dares open a trunk around him you best believe you will find a 85lb German Shepherd in it.
But anyways I get back from dropping Kayliegh off which only takes me about 25 minutes to drop her off and come back home. Usually when I get back home Chaz is usually sitting on the front porch or in the driveway area waiting for my arrival. But this day was not like most days. I did not see him waiting. I get out of the car and scan the front yard and call his name a few times and he does not run up to me when he hears me. I don't even hear the jingle of his collar. So I figure he must be running around the backyard and start to just go in the house and figure whatever he's having fun doing whatever. He usually will finds a log or concrete block and plays with it for an hour because he's not quite right in the head.
But for some reason I get a weird feeling and think something is not quite right. So I decide not to go in the house. I instead start walking around back calling for him. Still no answer. I'm now having many of thoughts of what this dog could be up to. I call him one last time and then look to my right. There he is...
He is inside the swimming pool which just got uncovered to get it ready for the nice weather. He is a rather large dog so he is standing on his hind legs with his paws up on the side of the pool. Standing there with his head tilted to the side and his ears perked up. If a dog could have a shitty smile of up to no good on his face Chaz had it right then. I yell at him to get out and he continues to just stare at me and not move. Then it comes to me he can't get out.
This massive heavy ass dog could not get out of the pool! GREEEAAAT! So I go into the gated pool area not even wondering how he got in the pool in the first place (doesn't even occur to me). I go to the side of the pool and call him over. I start pound on the deck with my hand calling him and trying to persuade him to climb out. He tries and tries but is unsuccessful. Now I'm like damn I hope he doesn't rip the pools lining. Then I'm thinking shiiiiit I have to pull this dog out. So I grab his collar while bracing myself to the deck railing and start pulling on him hoping to give him the boost to get out on his own. This is not working.
So I pull harder and harder and noooo he still can get up. So now I know I have to let go of the deck railing and use both hands and hope to god he doesn't pull me into the murky green bacteria filled pool. I grab his collar with both hands praying at the same time and give him a few strong yanks and lifts. FINALLY he gets out! Phhhhew right? Wrong!
Just when I was happy I didn't get pulled into the pool and get as wet as him. He decides he wants to show me how thankful he is for me being his lifeguard. He pounces on me which I was more concerned now of not falling backwards into the pool. Thankfully I didn't but now I'm soaked and pissed. I push him off frustrated that I'm wet and my dog is mischievous but of course I still find the whole incident humorous. Just when I thought I was wet enough. Nope he then decides to shake all the water off of himself and since I'm pinned in the corner enough where I couldn't move I got 100 times more wet. Now I smell just as much as he does. Mmmmm the smell of wet dog.
I call Win to tell him what "his" dog did... I call him "his" dog whenever Chaz gets in trouble or is up to no good or wants something and I'm to lazy to get it or do it for him. So Win laughs and said maybe I should take him to the lake because he wants to go swimming. I told him no F that he got enough swimming today.
So I'm in the house going about my business later in the day (cleaning- what I always seem to be doing) and I see Chaz up on the pool deck again. I'm like OH HELL NO... I yell at him and open the gate and tell him to get down. Now I'm wondering how the hell he got up there. Thinking he must of jumped the gate since it's not tall and goes as high as my waist. I go back inside and look out the window... I see him walking up the stairs towards the gate again.
This time I just watch and not yell at him because I want to know how he's doing it. You would think he would just jump over it but no this is not what he does. He decides his easiest route is to go under the railing and tight rope the 3 inch rim of the pool to get on the other side of the gate. He made it around fine... he must think he is cat-like. But remember I told he is not graceful at all. So I'm thinking he must of fell into the pool when he got stuck in it earlier in the morning.
Needles to say I think he is telling us it's time to get the pool ready for the nice weather. Which I totally agree with him.
Chaz is one of most goofiest dogs I have been around. He is frumpy, not graceful because of his size, and has the biggest heart for a dog that I have seen. He is quite the comedian and a jerk sometimes. But the absolute best dog I have ever had. He loves the water and going to the lake but I swear he has the worst case of ADD.
When we take him to the lake he frolics around in the water and fetches sticks. We would of never taken him to be a swimmer at all. Considering last season he wouldn't swim in the water really. But now he is all about it. But ADD does kick in when he's swimming in the lake. As soon as a boat passes by he stops everything he does and waits impatiently for the waves from the boat going by to come to shore. He chases and tries to eat the waves hitting the shore. Hauling ass up and down the lake. If there is even the smallest chance of a wave you bet your ass Chaz is looking for it.
So Chaz loves the water that what bring me to this story...
We have a wireless fence system for Chaz... meaning a shock collar... if he goes out if his boundaries he will know. But needless to say on nice days I leave him outside so he can run and get his exercise since he's a large dog and needs it. Two days ago it was a nice morning so I left Chaz outside as I took Kayliegh to school... not a unusual thing to do with him in the least. Although he would much rather go on a car ride. He loves car rides as much as the water... if anyone dares open a trunk around him you best believe you will find a 85lb German Shepherd in it.
But anyways I get back from dropping Kayliegh off which only takes me about 25 minutes to drop her off and come back home. Usually when I get back home Chaz is usually sitting on the front porch or in the driveway area waiting for my arrival. But this day was not like most days. I did not see him waiting. I get out of the car and scan the front yard and call his name a few times and he does not run up to me when he hears me. I don't even hear the jingle of his collar. So I figure he must be running around the backyard and start to just go in the house and figure whatever he's having fun doing whatever. He usually will finds a log or concrete block and plays with it for an hour because he's not quite right in the head.
But for some reason I get a weird feeling and think something is not quite right. So I decide not to go in the house. I instead start walking around back calling for him. Still no answer. I'm now having many of thoughts of what this dog could be up to. I call him one last time and then look to my right. There he is...
He is inside the swimming pool which just got uncovered to get it ready for the nice weather. He is a rather large dog so he is standing on his hind legs with his paws up on the side of the pool. Standing there with his head tilted to the side and his ears perked up. If a dog could have a shitty smile of up to no good on his face Chaz had it right then. I yell at him to get out and he continues to just stare at me and not move. Then it comes to me he can't get out.
This massive heavy ass dog could not get out of the pool! GREEEAAAT! So I go into the gated pool area not even wondering how he got in the pool in the first place (doesn't even occur to me). I go to the side of the pool and call him over. I start pound on the deck with my hand calling him and trying to persuade him to climb out. He tries and tries but is unsuccessful. Now I'm like damn I hope he doesn't rip the pools lining. Then I'm thinking shiiiiit I have to pull this dog out. So I grab his collar while bracing myself to the deck railing and start pulling on him hoping to give him the boost to get out on his own. This is not working.
So I pull harder and harder and noooo he still can get up. So now I know I have to let go of the deck railing and use both hands and hope to god he doesn't pull me into the murky green bacteria filled pool. I grab his collar with both hands praying at the same time and give him a few strong yanks and lifts. FINALLY he gets out! Phhhhew right? Wrong!
Just when I was happy I didn't get pulled into the pool and get as wet as him. He decides he wants to show me how thankful he is for me being his lifeguard. He pounces on me which I was more concerned now of not falling backwards into the pool. Thankfully I didn't but now I'm soaked and pissed. I push him off frustrated that I'm wet and my dog is mischievous but of course I still find the whole incident humorous. Just when I thought I was wet enough. Nope he then decides to shake all the water off of himself and since I'm pinned in the corner enough where I couldn't move I got 100 times more wet. Now I smell just as much as he does. Mmmmm the smell of wet dog.
I call Win to tell him what "his" dog did... I call him "his" dog whenever Chaz gets in trouble or is up to no good or wants something and I'm to lazy to get it or do it for him. So Win laughs and said maybe I should take him to the lake because he wants to go swimming. I told him no F that he got enough swimming today.
So I'm in the house going about my business later in the day (cleaning- what I always seem to be doing) and I see Chaz up on the pool deck again. I'm like OH HELL NO... I yell at him and open the gate and tell him to get down. Now I'm wondering how the hell he got up there. Thinking he must of jumped the gate since it's not tall and goes as high as my waist. I go back inside and look out the window... I see him walking up the stairs towards the gate again.
This time I just watch and not yell at him because I want to know how he's doing it. You would think he would just jump over it but no this is not what he does. He decides his easiest route is to go under the railing and tight rope the 3 inch rim of the pool to get on the other side of the gate. He made it around fine... he must think he is cat-like. But remember I told he is not graceful at all. So I'm thinking he must of fell into the pool when he got stuck in it earlier in the morning.
Needles to say I think he is telling us it's time to get the pool ready for the nice weather. Which I totally agree with him.
Ummmm Yeah
So obviously I haven't posted anything in a loooong time. I enjoy starting new projects on a whim and not completing them. This what I do and am very good at it.
But not to worry I have lots of stories of things that have happened. This means lots of entertainment for you.
But not to worry I have lots of stories of things that have happened. This means lots of entertainment for you.
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