Mommy Needs a Prescription for Happy Pills

So let me start off by saying none of these stories have been exaggerated or from my imagination. Although I seem to feel like I live in my own world and talk to myself most of times... these stories really do all happen to me. I need my own lifetime drama show...or to write my own book about my life. I swear it's filled with daily explosions of eye catching events that others will find humorous although I don't.

So it hasn't been the greatest couple of days (almost a week now). Last week I decide to wear some cute new shoes to work... they felt really comfortable at first. Then by the end of the day I was missing my left heel. It was viciously ate off of my foot by my Hannibal Lecter heels... Where was my Jodie Foster to save me? I have decided this is why they must of named them heels...because they attach themselves viciously to your shoe and the shoes rob them from your body. Damn cruel shoe makers. This is what women have to go through to impress people... PAIN!

Not only was I gimp from my heel missing... I must of somehow pulled my inner thigh muscle? How? I don't know. But I do know that I look liked a gimp walking around the office all that day. I either looked like a gimp or I had a large stick up my ass...one of the two. I will go for the nicer of the two.

But to top those two things off I sit directly under the one foot by one foot ac unit at work. I felt like an Eskimo. I believe I may of reached hypothermia at a point during the day because I caught myself staring off into the bright light. The bright light that I thought would save me from my day of pain turned out to be just the fluorescent ceiling office lights. It was a let down for that moment in time.

So, that was just one day of this almost week long of hazing me into life. On Saturday I planted beautiful flowers all day long and every part of me actually broke into sweat...even the down there region which was a first for me in a long time. I'm not a sweating type of person. So you know I was really busting my ass with lawn work. Marley felt like showing me some appreciation the next day and ripped up all the freshly planted flowers. THANK YOU MARLEY! THAAAANK YOUUUU! (that would be the fuck you thank you).

On that Sunday we (ok...ME) were going to be having our yard sale. So my loving husband agreed to hang up the signs for me. BTW...yes, the yard sale was on a Sunday which is another long story. Well needless to say business was pretty slow and there was a lot of drama during the day (people getting pissy, Kayliegh getting scratched by a barn cat, people not listening). At the end of the yard sale time I drove around and picked up the flyers. I understand men don't always follow directions and it's best to write things down for them using as little of words as possible... so I did that. I made sure to write down on the back of each sign exactly where to put them (I sent him out with tape and a staple gun to make the sign posting easy enough a monkey could do it). I should of hired a monkey...either that or my loving husband sabotaged it on purpose so he would never have to hang a sign again. Not only were there missing signs, signs posted so you can't see them, there were also signs with the arrows to follow pointing in the wrong direction. I wouldn't of wanted to come to my own yard sale either...people most of thought the circus was holding this yard sale.

To top off my Sunday Kayliegh decided to dump an entire bottle of water behind her headboard. Her first reason was that the bottle was much to heavy for her to lift and drink. Then the truth came out and she finally told me the real reason which was not surprising and it was "because I felt like being mean". I told her "Fine, I feel like being mean too... you're grounded for a week...no noggin, no music in bed, no water in your room" her reaction was as follows "YOU HATE MY WHOLE BODY". I looked at her and said "Unfortunately for you it seems.... I love your whole body." then I simply walked out of her room.

Then my fabulous Monday starts... I should of known by me first off slamming my elbow into the door frame and falling to the ground in pain because it felt like it shattered into a million pieces that my day wasn't going to be good. I proceeded to go outside to herd the dogs in and noticed Marley the bastard dog has once again pulled up the flowers I just replanted. Greeeaaat!

So again I wear a nice new pair of shoes...this time sandals because I couldn't bear wearing anything that would touch my heel. So I go to work and after about 2 hours I'm once again in pain. This time it's my other foot...my nice new shoe wasn't nice after all it rubbed the top of my foot raw. I want to yell "GIVE ME A FREAKING BREAK HERE!!!!" but I put a bandage on it and mumble some things to myself instead. Next I'm walking through the office going about my "fabulous" day and then I step on a thumbtack that went through my sandal and directly and viciously into my big toe. AS IF I HADN'T OF BEEN THROUGH ENOUGH ALL READY!

Tuesday begins off just as great... I go to get Kay out of bed and she start scratching her body as if she's covered in human eating bugs (or maybe my heels and sandals were attacking her too). So I say "Whaaaat are youuuu dooooing???" Of course I knew what she was doing but it just seemed to fit. She in return painfully and half a sleep moans "I'm sooooooo iiiiitchyyyyy!'. I'm thinking great I hope it's not the rash I saw a few days ago and figured it was heat rash because it wasn't itchy. Needless to say it was the rash. Great, I have to take her to the doctor because I know she will go to school and tell the teacher she has an itchy rash and that I (her mom) knows about it. So I schedule the doctors appointment and take her in (job was very understanding thankfully).

Doctor walks in and says all cheerfully and smiley "Hey ladies, how's everything going? How's MARRIED life????!!!!" this is what I say in return "Weeeelll... I sure could use some happy pills and she could use some calming pills (meaning Kay of course)". Obviously he didn't take me seriously even though I was serious... because I didn't score. So anyways he has no clue what this rash is BIG SURPRISE. But he did write a prescription for some medication to help with her migraines. I go to fill the prescription at Walmart and do my half an hour wait time by walking around the store and buying things I don't need and hearing my child moan about things she wants. By the time I go to pick up the RX the sky is about to burst open into a massive storm. So I'm trying to hurry... then the dude tells me it's not ready. I ask okay how much longer. Turns out muuuuch longer because evidentally the medication isn't approved for children under the age of 6 even though she is 5 and a half they have to check with every research there is including the drug company. Then he asks what it's for... I tell him for her migraines then he give sme a pity sad face and says he will call me when they find out. So no medication for her and a hundred dollars later we go home and get there just in time before the hail pounded our house.

Which brings me to today... Wednesday...Hump Day... I decided today will be the day I finally eat the frozen dinner I brought last week. So I go to heat up the tortellini meal in the lounge microwave. After waiting 3 minutes I open the microwave to stir as directed. But I can't stir it because it's to frozen solid. So I pop it in again and cuss the microwave to myself. I make sure I hear it go on... I wait my 3 minutes again. Open the door and again the piece of shit is frozen. SO I cuss about it and walk back to the office and ask one of the girls if I'm retarded or the microwave it. She tells me it's the microwave and tells me that I have to sit and hold the door button lightly the whole time to make it work. So I go and do this. Now that it's been at least 15 minutes into my hour lunch break my frozen dinner is done. FINALLY! I open it up to stir it and notice there are only 10 tortellinis in the frozen "meal" the rest of the weight came from the sauce they decided to fill the entire dish with. I'm thinking WHAT THE HELL IS THIS GOING TO DO FOR MY APPETITE! So I walk back to the office with this meal that has robbed me that should have been in the snack section and cuss about it some more. Now I have about a half an hour to eat... so I say screw it and haul ass to the grocery store and get their fried chicken from their restaurant and eat it as fast and I can. I throw the tortellini in the trash because it ended up tasting like crap anyways.

Let's see what fun surprises the rest of the week has for me in store. So far tonight Kayliegh has been good. I'm keeping my fingers crossed as she is brushing her teeth and getting ready for bed.

Mommy really could use some happy pills doc!